BOBAZILLA

It’s 10:32am on Monday July 8th and I’m sitting in class on my laptop pretending I’m taking notes, but really I’m just writing my blog. I’m back in class and the fallout from the events of the weekend have finally subsided. Nothing too interesting happened. Unless you count my short-lived amateur porn career coming to end. I’ve spent the last few months uploading homemade porn using an HD camcorder and an adjustable light. My costar/girlfriend came home in a tizzy on Saturday afternoon. She had dressed up and gone out to a local bar while I was sleeping in the middle of the day. When I woke up she stormed through the front door with enthusiasm and with a little bit of a slurred speech. She started to tell me about how she went to the bar and the bartender gave her a free drink because there was a blackout and the power was off everywhere. Including the billing system at the bar. My girlfriend looked really cute and was wearing a new pair of jean shorts she bought recently. Jean shorts are one of my biggest fetishes. Especially the kind with the cuff. That’s the kind she was wearing. She looked good.

My girlfriend/costar was upset because a few hours prior to her going out I deleted my Pornhub account along with all of our content that we had made. I think it bummed her out. After all, it really was quite a source of entertainment for us both for a while. We both enjoyed watching the views accumulate and go up on our videos. That, and the occasional weird comment from somebody on one of the videos, but usually it was just some guy commenting on how hot my girlfriend was. She liked it. She liked all the compliments she got from people. I get it. Even I received a few positive comments on some of our videos. It must be some weird form of validation we were getting even though it was from strangers. I still think the most fun part for us, other than making the videos themselves, was checking the analytics for our videos. Before I pulled the plug on Bobazilla, that was the name of my Pornhub channel, our top 3 videos had between 23k-28k views. Not bad for just a couple months of being posted. And this might sound funny but my girlfriend and I bonded over it too. We had a lot of fun doing it. Saturdays became our special shooting days and we’d make margaritas and have fun setting up and chilling before filming a video. Afterwards, I’d do any minor editing if necessary and I’d upload the video and we’d wait for the video to go live and then watch the video’s views go up over the next few days as it caught some of the weekend traffic. I even had over 750 subscribers to my channel so we had a small following.

Nothing in particular prompted my decision to delete my Pornhub account. Not really. Unless you count the fact that my girlfriend’s parents totally caught on to the fact that her and I were making porn together. Yes, that’s right. They found out. We don’t know all the details, but far as we know, one of her sisters found out and told her parents. Soon thereafter, her parents and sister both informed her that they were very disappointed. I thought, “Oh fuck! This is all bad.”

Believe it or not, I’m not just some greasy pervert that was trying to exploit my girlfriend. Well, I am a huge pervert, but the last thing I wanted was for her family to find out about what we were doing and impede on the relationship she has with her family in any way. What’s even worse is I’ve never even met her parents. This is just what they’ve heard about me. Not exactly a good first impression. In fact, her parents weren’t even particularly happy when I moved in with her in the first place. So now, far as I know, their idea about me is I’m a greasy porn-making pervert that their daughter decided to shack up with and I’ve been exploiting their daughter by having her perform hardcore sex acts while I record them prior to me uploading them onto the internet for literally anyone to see. Wow, I didn’t really think about it that much until I just typed that last sentence. Maybe I am a raging piece of shit. But hold on a second. There’s something you need to understand. It takes two to tango.

Ok, so maybe I bought the camera. And the tripod. And the light. And ran the Pornhub channel. And chose the angles we used. And operated the camera. And edited the videos. And uploaded them. BUT IT WASN’T ALL MY IDEA! My costar in this reprehensible ordeal was completely willing, cooperative, and even excited to participate in this idea. I might have initially had the idea, but she completely helped stoke the fire by encouraging it’s growth every step of the way. I’m not trying to throw my costar under the bus, but far as I’m concerned, if I’m going down then she’s going down with me.

So when my girlfriend’s parents and sister found out they were very upset. They said they were disappointed. My girlfriend made the argument that it’s a better alternative for a hobby as opposed to using drugs and alcohol. A valid yet still rather weak argument. At least her family knew she was making this decision while of sober mind. Nevertheless, they were not happy and they stopped talking to my girlfriend. And so the cold shoulders went up and the silence began between my girlfriend and her family and so it went on for a few months.

I told my girlfriend right when her parents found out that I could take down the videos, but she refused to give in to their wishes. She said why should she apologize for just being herself and doing what she wants to do. My girlfriend and I are very similar in many ways. We’re both the youngest child of three and it’s a known characteristic of the youngest child to essentially blow shit up and walk away from the explosion like it was no big deal. The youngest child can be known to do outrageous shit that may be appalling or seem outlandish to others and our response is often, “What? What’s the big deal?” so I understand how my girlfriend is, yet I also can’t help but empathize with how her family feels too. Especially her father. Unfortunately, my girlfriend’s sister told her that her parents thought I was disgusting. It made me feel bad, but how could I argue with how they felt? I was making pornography with their daughter. I’d probably think I was a greasy piece of shit too.

My girlfriend comes from a good family. And believe it or not, despite her stubborn and unconventional choices, her relationship with parents means the world to her. My girlfriend is extremely close with her parents and she respects her parents as much as she loves them. Which says a lot, because she loves her parents more than life itself. So needless to say, this silence between my girlfriend and her parents made her very sad. I personally thought that this was her decision and she insisted that I do not delete any of the videos, but as time progressed I saw how the strain on her relationship with her family effected her.

Then, on Father’s Day, something happened and I decided to take action. In the morning on Father’s Day I woke up and texted my father and wished him a happy Father’s Day. Not too long after he responded thanking me for my text and wishing me a good day as well. When I told my girlfriend that I texted my father she told me she was going to text her dad too, but she wasn’t sure if she was going to get a response. And the look on her face after she said that broke my heart into little pieces. I couldn’t take it anymore and I just felt awful for being part of the problem in her life and I went and grabbed a bunch of notebook paper to start writing her parents a letter.

In the letter, I wrote about how much my girlfriend loves her parents and how much they mean to her and I even tried writing a little bit about myself outside of making pornography with their daughter so they could know a little about who I am. I thought maybe if they knew a bit about me it could help thwart some of their notions about me just being a gross pervert doing dirty things with their daughter and I also thought it’d be more a little more difficult to villainize me or that it might diffuse any animosity they might harbor because of this whole porn fiasco. I was sincere in my delivery and tried to be as tactful as possible in my writing.

To my surprise, my girlfriend’s parents called her on the phone a few days after I had sent the letter. It was the first time my girlfriend had heard from them in a while. They informed her that they received my letter and it was surprisingly well received. I didn’t hear the conversation between my girlfriend and her parents, but apparently, they appreciated the gesture and her father even thought I wasn’t terrible at writing a letter. Most importantly, my girlfriend is talking to her parents again and I know that makes her happy. Probably happier than any amateur porn career ever could. I’m just so relieved and feel good that I was able to help the situation if even just a little bit. After all, if my girlfriend is unhappy then I’m not happy. So I’m glad things worked out.

So there goes my short-lived amateur porn career. That didn’t last long. But overall, I feel a slight bit of relief. I don’t think I’m really cut out for porn anyway. I guess I’ll just stick to making comic books like the nerd I am. However, I still have one last problem. Due to my letter, my girlfriend’s parents said they’d be willing to meet me now. They actually want to meet up soon. I hope it goes well. Wish me luck.

So thus ends the reign of terror caused by the evil and mighty BOBAZILLA.